Lilly Jay, clinical psychologist and the ex-wife of Wicked star Ethan Slater, has opened up about her highly publicized divorce in a deeply personal essay published on Dec. 19 in The Cut. The essay, titled “How Does My Divorce Make You Feel?”, provides insight into her emotional journey navigating motherhood, divorce, and life under an unwelcome spotlight.
Jay’s divorce became a media frenzy in 2023 when news broke that Slater and his Wicked co-star Ariana Grande had entered into a relationship during the movie’s production. At the time, both stars were separating from their respective spouses—Grande from real estate agent Dalton Gomez, and Slater from Jay, his high-school sweetheart.
Jay, however, does not name either Slater or Grande in her essay, nor does she explicitly address the Wicked project. Instead, she focuses on her personal experience and the ripple effects of public scrutiny on her life and career.
“I really never thought I would get divorced,” she wrote. “Especially not just after giving birth to my first child and especially not in the shadow of my husband’s new relationship with a celebrity.”
Jay and Slater, who married in 2018, welcomed a son in August 2022. By the time news of Slater and Grande’s relationship surfaced in 2023, Jay and Slater were already separated, according to reports.
In her essay, Jay described the joy of welcoming her son as a transformative moment, despite the challenges she faced. She candidly discussed being diagnosed with preeclampsia during her pregnancy and the difficulties of adjusting to new motherhood while supporting her husband’s career abroad.
“Consumed by the magic and mundanity of new motherhood, I didn’t understand the growing distance between us,” she reflected.
Jay shared that her days with her son bring her immense happiness but that the constant promotion of Wicked, which she associates with the most painful chapter of her life, casts a shadow on her healing process.
Despite the personal and professional challenges that followed her divorce, Jay expressed gratitude for the lessons she’s learned and the resilience she’s found.
“My entire adult life, I feared that loss of control and postpartum depression would destroy me. One day in London, I looked up and found that they had both arrived. And I am okay,” she said.
In her role as a perinatal psychologist, Jay has spent her career helping women navigate the complexities of pregnancy and new motherhood. She acknowledged the unexpected impact that her public divorce has had on her work, noting that the visibility she didn’t choose has become both a challenge and an opportunity.
“Knowing what you now know, I can say with both personal and professional authority, you are so much stronger than you assume,” she wrote, addressing her readers.
While Jay’s essay focuses on her personal journey, it adds a nuanced layer to the public narrative surrounding Slater and Grande’s relationship. Both stars have previously addressed the scrutiny in interviews. In October, Slater told GQ that the year had been “really difficult” due to public commentary on his private life. Grande, in a Vanity Fair interview, called the media portrayal of their relationship “the most disappointing part,” adding that “there couldn’t be a less accurate depiction of a human being than the one that the tabloids spread about him.”
For Jay, the essay serves as both a reflection and a declaration of strength. She wrote it as a “message in a bottle” for her patients, acknowledging that while she can no longer remain invisible, she hopes her experience will inspire others to find their own resilience.
As she moves forward, Jay continues to focus on raising her son and helping others through her work, proving that even in the face of heartbreak, new beginnings are possible.
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